


Ache

by GaHoolianGirl



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Angst, But I never say they won't EVER be, Hurt No Comfort, Just Kirk's POV on it tho we all know Spock reciprocates, Like they are very much not together by the end, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Yearning, but for rn it's pain time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 22:14:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21896284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GaHoolianGirl/pseuds/GaHoolianGirl
Summary: He ached.Oh, how Kirk ached.The soft tenor of Spock’s voice carried across the bridge, “Captain?”“Hm?”“You seem distracted,” Spock wasn’t looking at him, occupied with whatever screen he was focusing on right now, “Is something amiss?”Is something wrong, Jim?went unspoken on his lips.Kirk cracked his neck.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Comments: 5
Kudos: 39





	Ache

**Author's Note:**

> I was thinking about how Kirk probably doesn't fuly pursue Spock bc his duty has gotten in the way of like EVERY relationship he's ever had and he couldn't stand to lose Spock and thus this was born, enjoy the pain.

He ached.

 _Oh_ , how Kirk ached.

The soft tenor of Spock’s voice carried across the bridge, “Captain?”

“Hm?”

“You seem distracted,” Spock wasn’t looking at him, occupied with whatever screen he was focusing on right now, “Is something amiss?” _Is something wrong, Jim?_ went unspoken on his lips. 

Kirk cracked his neck.

“Hm, nothing especially, Spock. Life’s just catching up with me is all, thank you for your concern.”

“Are you certain?”

Always able to see right through him, too sharp to be deceived. They knew each other too well, been through too much, were too similar in all their best and worst ways. However, he also knew enough not to press.

“Yes, rest assured I’m fine. Once I get some sleep in I’ll be right as rain.”

He could practically feel Spock’s eyebrow raise, he never truly “got” that expression. Many didn’t, just accepted it as a quirk of the language. Kirk, however, understood all too well. In many places on Earth and beyond, constant, dreary rain was the norm, day in and day out, so things were as they should be when the skies opened and released their burdens.

You were right as rain when things remained as bad as they always were.

He rolled his shoulders.

“Very well. Ensure you get sufficient rest.”

A smile played on Kirk’s lips, _If only you knew that it was you who prevented my restful slumber, Mr. Spock. Or perhaps you do know, and only do me the courtesy of pretending otherwise._

He cracked his knuckles.

“I will, don’t worry.”

_Please don’t worry over me. Don’t make me your exception. Don’t waste your breath on me, you are too precious for that. Too special._

They were silent after that, the only sounds filling the space around them the comforting, familiar whirrs, hums, and clicks of the machinery and people manning it. Kirk knew how he felt, the feelings were no stranger to him. He knew love like the back of his own hand, it was a part of him like anything else. 

He knew he loved Spock.

But never before had he felt this deep aching along with it.

Because he never held himself back this way. He had been separated from lovers before, _he’d_ been one the doing separating, he’d lost partners to death or distance, his relationships had ended in every manner known to sentient kind. To love as often as he did meant to lose just as much. 

This was not the same.

Many of those lost loves came down to his utter devotion to the Enterprise and her mission versus them, and he would _not_ lose Spock to what brought them together.

So he made no move. He stood still, watched, waited, _yearned_. Painfully desperate to reach out and touch what he knew was in his grasp but yet he refused to take. He could feel it, the electric tension in the air between him and Spock. If he asked, he would receive.

He did not.

Kirk rubbed his wrists.

He chose to ache, because the pain of not having Spock in his arms would is far more pleasant than the ache of not having Spock at all.•

**Author's Note:**

> This was deliciously painful to write, let me know how it was to read lmao.


End file.
